Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Winter 1999

Is it gonna thunder?
She hates thunder.
She's in the Lady's house. They let Her take a nap when the Big People left.
It sounds like it's raining.
She peeks open her eyes just a little. She's supposed to be napping. She doesn't want to get in trouble for not sleeping. She knows how to pretend and be real still.

There's a window by the bed. It looks sunny outside. It's not raining but she hears rain.
She looks around the room with her eyes only open a little in case someone's looking.
There's no rain.
Where's the noise coming from?
She looks around the room. There's a lamp by the other window on a table. It's got beads in it and they're all floaty and making noise on the glass like rain.
It's pretty.
She peeks at the door. No one is there.
She sneaks over to look at the lamp.
She looks over her shoulder but no one is there so she touches the lamp.
It's so pretty.
The Lady comes but she's good and doesn't hide.
She thinks she might be in trouble.
The Lady talks to her. Her name is Misspat. She's the one who sang with her when all those Big People were being scary.
The Lady Misspat asks if she wants to color. She nods. She's not sure if it's okay to talk.
She doesn't want to get in trouble.
But she really wants to color.
She likes to make her own pictures. She doesn't know how to stay inside the lines and Her friends laugh at her.
When she's drawing with the crayons The Lady Misspat asks her questions. She doesn't want to get in trouble but The Lady Misspat is nice and so she answers.
She tells about the dots she's drawing.
She holds up all the fingers on her hand to show how old she is.
And she tells about the other Big Ones who are mean. They don't like her and she never gets to play anymore. The Wall was big and scary and it was dark for a long time and she is scared of the dark. She's scared of thunder too but it's not raining. Does The Lady Misspat know her light sounds like rain?
She sits on the floor and she colors and she talks but then her tummy starts to hurt.
She doesn't tell The Lady Misspat her tummy hurts.
She wasn't supposed to talk about the Big Ones and The Wall and the Other Ones. She's gonna be in trouble.
So she goes away again.

***

Another time, Her tries to talk to her. She can't see where Her is but she says "It's okay. You're safe."
Safe is when the Brothers are at school and not laughing at her and when the Mother is taking her nap and when the Dad is at work and she can play with her toys and no one yells at her.
Her says she's all grown up and has a Husband and Kids and the Other Family is far away.
She's afraid to talk to Her. Grown Ups don't like to hear kids talking. She tells Her she's not supposed to talk to her or else she'll get in trouble. It makes her tummy hurt.
Her says her tummy hurts too but it's okay to talk to her.
"It's okay to talk to me. I promise I won't hurt you."
Her isn't the one who's gonna get mad.
Her's voice isn't mean.
"Is your name Roo?"
Her knows her name.
She nods her head and says "Uh huh."
"Hi Roo. I'm Marisa. Maybe we can be friends."
Roo thinks that's good. She wants a friend.