Saturday, May 28, 2011

1984

You see a paper clip on the floor. You take a quick look around to see if Staff are watching then drop the book in your hands and pick up the paper clip and hide it under the book. It's not much but you're getting desperate in this place. Someone tried to run away before you came here and so everyone is on "Sharps Restriction". You're making do until they allow people to use the make-up and other dangerous objects they keep locked away. You came prepared this time with blades hidden in useful places. Next time you'll find a way to slip them into book bindings instead of only the items they restrict.

It's been a couple of days. Your right hand is broken and no one has bothered to look at it. You know they've noticed because they make snide comments but it won't get treated if that means acknowledging what they say is attention seeking. They don't realize you only use punching the wall when something more private is too hard to find. For awhile you chewed the inside of your mouth to hamburger but when it made it hard for her to speak you stopped so they wouldn't figure it out. You're surprised they don't know since they look in your mouth every time you take the stupid pills they give twice a day.

It was easier before you got sent to the hospital. No one paid enough attention to know how much you can do. Clothes hide so much. It's a good thing you had only used the arms in the weeks before you came here or they might have figured out your secret during the strip search. Open wounds on your stomach and legs would have given you away.

They were so angry when they locked you in the Quiet Room and you came back out without most of the skin on your arm. That was a triumph because they think they can stop you. You don't care they don't believe the stories about things happening that aren't remembered. She doesn't know about you and you don't plan to tell her.