Saturday, September 10, 2011

Could It Be Getting Better?

6/23/2002

It seems we’ve finally found a medication that helps. Now, even with what we are doing in therapy, Stephanie has not 'needed' to get drunk since the last weeks of rehearsal for the play last May. Even with the little note issue last week, she didn't fly off the handle. She handled it extremely well. Yeah, Reese cut yesterday. I knew she would, but don't blame her. I understand and that's why we didn't try to keep her from it again. She needed some release from the memories being triggered. Stacy is a bit scared, as is Amber. Amelia got a little hyper about the issue of sexual abuse but has settled a lot since talking to Charlie about it.

We have situational depression mostly. Caused by the stuff we're dealing with, but for the first time since I was 9 years old and really began to even be aware of things, the black hole, lead bodied, chest squeezing, mind numbing depression, is easing. Something has changed and maybe it isn't the meds. Maybe it's a combination of things. We’re sleeping sound for the first time in years thanks to Ristoril. Maybe lack of REM sleep was making things worse? I don't know and I don't care.

We've dealt with each crisis as it comes up, talked about what we needed to in therapy instead of avoiding, and we haven't crumbled. Heck, even the girls are voluntarily talking to someone other than Charlie! Getting them to talk to Dr. C or Lyn usually took things being ready to explode.

Don’t know. Need to talk to Charlie and Dr. C about it and Lyn when she gets back this weekend. Have to make sure this isn't a moment of psychotic ramblings. However, if history serves, they'll confirm what they've already seen and as usual, we'll be the last ones to figure it out!

It doesn’t mean no one in The Crew is depressed. Some are and for reasons we can pinpoint. Things we can deal with and help them heal from, but this is the first time ever that the depression is not systemic. It’s the first time we faced such hard memories and not had to be on 24/7 guard against suicidal alters. Something is changing and it's a good feeling to see that in all this butt kicking work we're dragging ourselves thru, we're actually getting closer to the bottom of this barrel of nightmares.

It's about doggone time.

Marisa