Monday, September 12, 2011

it's Captain Paranoia time

6/28/2002



okay, so i'm being weird, i know.

K has an online diary too and won't tell me her name. now, rational logic tells me she's a teenager and needs her privacy. being the oldest of 5 kids she doesn't get as much as she needs. she babysits a lot and the younger ones generally drive her bonkers. she also scratches her arm once in a while and punches things (gee, where'd she learn that from?) which she knows worries me terribly. being the oldest she's also got that hyper responsible thing going on where she thinks everything is her fault.

so here i am, worrywort mom, knowing all this and knowing that K has a diary makes me want to spy on her and find it so i can either confirm or set to rest my worries.

no, i won't. it would be different of i thought she were a serious danger to herself or using drugs or whatever, but she's not. for the most part she's a really well balanced typical teen. she's got self-image issues like most kids her age and the same concerns and worries of her peers. she's been 'seen' by professionals who have assured her she's quite 'normal'. i have to remind myself of that so i don't give into paranoia and snoop. being the kid of someone with DID is not easy. no matter how hard we try, we're gonna screw up just like anyone else, but there's this part of me (no pun intended) that's convinced she wants a private diary so she can rail about how hideous i am.
i even thought of asking reese to talk to her but when i brought it up to reese she informed me that she was NOT going to be my spy. (Good move Reese!) She said that even when she and Stpehanie talk to K that they only relay to me what they think is necessary for me to know. i don't know whether to laugh or cry that even my inside teens have banded together against the nosy mom.

okay, paranoid ramblings over. i'm sure those of you reading this will agree that it would be crossing the line big time if i violate her privacy, and you can relax. i won't. but at least understand the way a parent thinks when they care for and are concerned for their kid. love makes us do STUPID things at times. at least here in my diary i can write about something before jumping to act and screwing up. i hope.

marisa