i just sit down to write when charlie walks in. we go, like 2-4 days getting all kinds of things done then usually on a therapy day we just kinda crash. well after 2 straight days on the garage and 2 vanloads of stuff taken out we haven't done shit today but sit and read or sit at the computer. so the house looks like shit. our room looks worse than the kids’ right now and the living room is unreal. feel guilty enough as it is cuz we can't ever get everything even close to done. it’s like trying to bail out a rowboat with an eyedropper. stop for a split second, you're sunk.
anyhow, charlie walks in and starts kinda making that 'i can't stand this' noise about the mess on the floor and stuff. well the closet is ripped apart trying to get it straightened out and the stuff from in there had to go somewhere right? maybe we do need to kinda have a list of what to do and stick to it since i don't think we think about the same stuff. so like, i’m trying to get the littles’ toys and all our stuff organized in here and marisa’s been pressured to do the garage cuz of the food delivery thing. stephanie keeps freaking about the kitchen. the kids are supposed to do that but they never do it the way she likes it so half the time she does it herself.
so now, i feel like shit. i mean total shit. can’t win for losing you know? can’t get 5 minutes break.
so no cutting. i DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!!! it’s not a want or impulse or desire. it’s a damn NEED! What am i supposed to do? i swear if i just cut i could relax some and get something done so people are't so stressed or whatever.