Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Idle Thoughs


7/25/2002



Obsessive-Compulsive Procrastination! As much as I totally hate labels, that one is hysterical.

I talked to Dr. C yesterday about how and why it is things often don't get done around the house. We have a 3x5-card file system for all the things that need doing. We haven't used it since we moved into this house so we needed to redo it. I have managed to get the jobs listed and broken down to daily/weekly/monthly, etc. I have the cards ready to go. Why hasn't it been finished so we can put it back into use? Because my hands have been too shaky to write neatly. I can't have something we're going to have to look at several times a day be imperfect! What’s the point in having a fancy, color-coded system if the writing looks like chicken scratch? So, the cards sit there waiting on the unforeseeable day when they can be completed to perfection and be used. That’s Obsessive-Compulsive Procrastination. And here I thought it was just regular old everyday procrastination.

Totally ridiculous sounding, isn't it? But that's the way the mind works when OCD type behaviors are there.
Having Harley here is like having a mirror up to the different little quirks we have about things. I didn't realize just how very obsessive we were until we heard someone else describing the same thing. You mean not everybody steams clean the whole house every 2-3 months? Not everyone strips the kitchen floor to apply new acrylic every couple of months? Not everyone sanitizes every minute surface of his or her home at least once a week? There are people who don't hyperventilate over the idea that someone might see dust in their house? hmm

Not that we do that now. I did, up until I lost the ability to arthritis. The lack of obsessive cleanliness isn't because we've gotten better about it but because we lost the ability. Here all these last few years, I thought I had just learned to relax about that stuff. Turns out, we just did what we've always done with anything overwhelming. We dissociated it. Well, i did anyway. So while I learned to 'relax' about the house, others were taking on the worry and stress of keeping perfection.

Does this mean we still have to actually deal with it? Get to the root of it and change the thinking? Dissect the need to have control over every little detail and learn to let go? Bummer. I was hoping to get out of that.
Sometimes self discovery is a pain in the butt.