Wednesday, February 22, 2012

no sleep is bad


okay, so we see the reumatologist (sp?) on the 9th. IF we're still walking at that point, i'll be shocked. the back is really bad. i mean so bad that even when i come out, we can't move better and i DON'T FEEL PAIN! if you don't feel pain and you still walk like a 90 yo woman with brittle bones, you've got a problem. marisa's current big goal is to be able to get off the floor without the grunt-whimper-growl combination. we can't take bubble baths for the littles because we can't get out of the tub by ourselves. this just totally sucks.

this is really weird, but even tho the body sleeps, sometimes as much as 10 hours a day or whatever, we haven't gotten any rest or real sleep in like 3 weeks. ever since laura came out (no, it's NOT your fault laura) the sleeping kids are totally on the go the whole time the body sleeps. so even if the body sleeps, the mind doesn't so we're so wiped out that we feel stoned all the friggin time now.

it's not even like memories either. i mean maybe emotional memories, but the dreams have nothing to do with anything like reality. usually we get lots of hospital type dreams. you know, getting committed, then trying to escape and stuff. but not now. last night it was about the dad all night long. stuff about how he was like this hero to everyone who knew him, but we knew what he was really like. and about broken promises and it was just really weird.

i know i'm rambling, but who cares.

i love having harley and them here but i'll be so ready for alone time when they go back to vermont. it's weird always having somebody around. it's like having the inside on the outside if that makes any sense. a lot of times the best thing about being out is not feeling so crowded like when i'm inside. with somebody visiting there's the crowd on the outside too.. weird.

well gotta go. rachel's 10th b-day is tomorrow and we're getting ready to go shopping.

miss being able to just sit on the computer and hang out too. will be glad when we can again.