Monday, February 27, 2012

so maybe i do need bricks dropped on my head


spent the entire drive to and from dr. c's office getting a minor ass chewing from stephanie. i'm not telling charlie enough of the details of what's going on inside, not asking her and reese for help with the day to day chores, letting the kids run me over, leaving kris to watch them too often, and generally shutting everyone out too much. one of the things that i got nailed on (yes, i admit, i'm guilty) is that i don't talk to the girls enough. see, and this is unusual i guess because dr. c was surprised, whoever is 'out' has to speak out loud for the insiders to hear. this can get embarrassing in public and tho the kids are used to it, i've gotten out of the habit of talking so the girls know what's going on. i guess it is a bit strange that we don't collectively read minds. after all, we share one. hey, that's just the way it is.

so, stephanie, reese: points taken. message received. we discussed this on the drive home and i still think it's the best idea... we need to give co-consciousness another shot. it's exhausting and hard but we lose less time and can pool our different skills to get the shit together at home. who knows, it might help things inside too.

i know that when i'm co-conscious with you, stephanie, that i can set and maintain limits with the kids better. when reese is co-conscious, we can have the balance of strict without being mean and still have the warm fuzzy supermom thing going.

as far as communicating with charlie... i din't realize i'd gone back to generalizing everything. telling him things are 'bad' isn't specific enough and he's feeling totally in the dark. you're right that there's no point in getting mad at him for now understanding when things are feeling out of control, if i don't tell him. thank you for cluing him in last night.

okay, ass chewing over. thank you, i obviously needed it. now can we discuss the plan of action?