Friday, March 2, 2012

The Bracelet

8/10/2002

A few days later, as she skipped down the stairs of the split-level house she had always known, she was happily conscious of the feel of her bracelet on her small right wrist. She dashed out the door, across the front yard and under the crab apple tree. Had she not been wearing a dress, she would have turned cartwheels from her front yard to where her friends stood on the sidewalk.

Karen and Jeffery were in front of Karen's house playing. She yelled to them as she ran the short distance to where they stood. Lost in the careless games of childhood, they played together until Karen noticed the bracelet.

"Where'd ya get that?"

"I brought it from the zoo. It was a dollar."

"Where'd ya get money?"

Had she told Karen about not having money the day of the trip? She couldn't remember. Mrs. Westinghouse said not to tell. Don't tell. Don't tell.

"I, I found it." stammered the little girl, hoping they could go back to their game. Karen wasn't finished with her questions.

"Where'd ya find it?"

Don't tell! Don't tell!
Looking at the sidewalk the little girl said defiantly, "In the monkey house."

Immediately she knew she had said the wrong thing. Where the words of don't tell had echoed, there was now the sound of the taunting children's song. Liar, liar, pants on fire! She didn't tell. What was wrong? She could see it in Karen's face. She did something wrong.

"You stole my dollar!" screamed the girl she thought was her best friend. "You didn't find it and I lost MY dollar in the monkey house. You stole it!"

"Did not!" she yelled back.

"Gimme that bracelet! It's mine cuz you stole my dollar!"

Instantly the two girls were face to face as they each accused the other of lying. Stomping their feet as they yelled, with Jeffrey standing a few steps away looking both shocked and entertained by the fight.

It ended when Karen's dad poked his head out the front door to tell them to settle down. "I'm telling!" Karen spat as she turned and ran toward her father.

A huge lump formed in her throat and tears crept toward her eyes as she watched her friend telling her daddy about the fight. As they turned and began walking her way, she could feel herself shriveling up and wished she could run away.

Mr. Ruie stood over her like a giant and with a stern voice asked where she had gotten the money to buy the bracelet. Too late Bad Girl. Without conviction she whispered the story she'd tried to tell her friends. She knew what was coming next and slipped away as The Bad Girl took her place.

"It's very bad to steal Marisa," said Mr. Ruie as The Bad Girl stood staring at his feet. "Admit that you took Karen's dollar and I won't tell your dad."

A flash of anger shot through her and she stomped her foot yelling, "No! I didn't steal anything! It's mine!"

"Yes you did Marisa. If you find something that doesn't belong to you and you don't return it, that's stealing."

Still holding her angry and defiant pose she said, "What about finders keepers?" Why couldn't anyone say her name right? It was Ma-ree-sa, not ma-ri-sa. Her attention shifted from the bracelet to her name and when Mr. Ruie told her to give the bracelet to Karen, she quietly complied. Karen stuck out her tongue and triumphantly turned away. "You're not my friend anymore. I don't play with stealers."



She was in her room again. Fear clutched at her as if it were something alive. Mommy had said, "Wait 'til your father gets home." Mommy hadn't believed her when she tried to tell about finding the dollar at the zoo. No one would listen. "You'll get the beating of your life if you don't tell the truth. Only bad people steal."

The Bad Girl was gone and it was another child who sat in her room waiting for the sound of Dad's truck in the driveway. When she heard him getting out of his truck and shutting the cab door, she began to shake. Please believe me. Please believe me. Please believe me.

The dinner table was quiet and tense as the large family ate. Everyone knew of The Theft and knew of the punishment to come. Only the little girl was unaware of the rage boiling under the deep brown face of her father.

After the table was cleared, the six older children were sent downstairs. Mommy was already in the kitchen doing dishes. Usually Rick or Michelle would help but tonight she did the chore alone.

Sitting stiffly in her place at the table, the little girl waited as Dad filled a glass with the strong smelling brown drink he had every evening. He sat in his chair in the living room, his back to her. For a tiny moment, she hoped that he did not know and she would be allowed to go downstairs to watch TV. with her brothers and sister.

"Marisa."

He didn't call her Roo. She was his little Reesiroo and he had used the pet name Roo for as long as she remembered. He did not want Roo he wanted Marisa.

"Come here." Her father's voice which could create the silliest of voices when he was playful, was now the voice she'd learned to dread.

As Marisa slowly walked toward her father's chair, her fear consumed her and she was suddenly lost in it. Roo crept to her father's knee but was frightened away by the sight of his face and The Storyteller now stood before him. Knowing nothing of the day at the zoo, she knew only that she must convince him she had not stolen from her friend.

For nearly two hours, the father and child stayed locked in a verbal battle. Despite threats, promises and yelling that seemed to shake the house, she held to her story. She had only found the money at the zoo. She would not tell the secret between her and her teacher. It was BAD to tell secrets.

Over the course of the interrogation, Marisa stayed locked in her fear, Roo tried to plead with Daddy and The Storyteller stuck to her tale, while The Bad Girl took the blows.

rolling even faster now

8/10/2002

the memories... they have crept into the dreams and come crashing into conscious thought and slapped us in the face when we hope for a quiet moment.

rick's wedding, probably the biggest rejection of our life beyond what the birth mother did. that summer led to a plunge into a hell that we dared not even hope to escape. for 8 months we stayed trapped in that desperation, until a friend named charlie shone a little light into the dark.

from the day mum told us not only were i was not singing in my eldest brother's wedding as had been planned for over a year, but wasn't even making the trip with the rest of the family. to quote her "You ruin everything and i will not have you ruin three weeks in california and your brother's wedding with your presence."

to the day mum finally washed her hands of me and left me to wait in a room with a county counselor who had 3 years before, told her i was simply spoiled and needed a stricter environment.

we were trapped. the most frustrating and terrifying trap imaginable. we couldn't die. we could hang and the rope would break. sit in traffic and get missed, find ourself on a 14th street in DC and walk without harm for 6 blocks. stay with a pimp who never touched us. pills had no effect. 3 times in 7 months the parents were told their daughter would not make it through the night, only to be up and around without any lasting effect the following morning. couldn't drink ourself numb enough or take a drug that could ease the slightest bit of the pain. no blade could cut deep enough. having finally reached a place of such desperation we could not face another day. the place of knowing with every fiber of your being that death is the ONLY option, we still couldn't reach what we believed we needed. that one final hope was beyond our grasp.

we're not there now. thank god, we never will be again, but it's still inside. that anguish of having nothing and nowhere, nor even a glimmer of hope for the future, is still trapped. unaware of the incredible journey that has brought us where we are now. unaware of the joy and hope that fills our days. unaware of the healing of old hurts. unaware of the unimaginable love we have to give and have received. aware only of that hell and the drive to end it. how to reach her when there seems so much to fear in her. she has to be released somehow, but not in death. not her way.

we can feel you. your pain and your rage. the trap you see is no longer real. help us find the door to bring you into now so that we can know you and you can know the hope we've fought so hard to find.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

MULTIPLE WORLD



PRESS RELEASE: UNIVERSAL STUDIOS WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO THEIR NEWEST AMAZING THEME PARK: MULTIPLE WORLD

Located in a half acre lot behind a McDonald s in Orlando Florida, this five sq. mile park will dazzle your imagination and take you beyond the limits of reality. Enclosed entirely in a crystal palace (Please no stones in the park), Multiple World is designed with the idea of giving singletons a walk through the world of Multiple Personality Disorder. Admission is a mere $150 for a 50 minute tour or $2000 for the entire day, institutional style meals included. Sorry, no group discounts available. Sharps and dangerous items will be checked at the entrance and returned upon leaving.

With a state of the art sound system, you can experience the excitement of each and every sound and voice you hear, coming from within your own head. Also available are Fog and Tunnel Vision Glasses for those daring individuals really ready to live on the edge of Multiplicity.

As you enter the park you can try your hand at medical-ese and psychobabble in Shrink Rap. From there you can stop at the Grooming Room. A slot machine that determines your dress, hair and or makeup for the day or hour. Each possible result comes with a card explaining the logic behind the choice. Frequent use is recommended for a more realistic adventure.

The Switch is a futuristic teleporting device that can randomly drop you at any location within the park. Watch out for these as the teleporting discs are concealed throughout Multiple World. You never know when you may stumble onto one.

Enter Pandora's Box and experience every human emotion imaginable in this 60 second thrill ride, or try The Mood Swing for a yo-yo ride of your life through the highest highs and the darkest depths as you swing seemingly uncontrollably from one to the other.

Not for the Squeamish is Freefalling Flashbacks. An IMAX style theatre that will leave you breathless as it draws you in and makes it all seem as if you are actually there. One of the most frightening rides in the known world, Crossfire puts you directly in the middle of the battle over the validity of DID and Recovered Memories, with Psychiatrists, Counselors, Clergy and Laymen coming at you from all sides.

Don't miss the Depersonalization Chamber and Derealization Room where you can actually watch yourself from the ceiling as you float thru zero-gravity chambers just like the astronauts use. Lighting effects create varying degrees of heightened or dulled color and sharpness. Both rooms are pressurized with a high concentration of pure oxygen to create just the right sense of unreality. The challenge in DC and DR is to reconnect with and control your own body in order to reach the exit, where a normal sense of reality will be restored. Trained staff members are available for anyone needing assistance getting grounded again. For those who need that personal touch, huggers and hand-holders are also available.

For the inner child in you we have Littles Alley with a 5 acre playground built for the adult sized body and an 8 story Toy Shoppe with more toys than New York's FAO Schwartz. There is also the Littles Kitchen where you can whip up any combination of odd foods without protest or complaints from those around you. Check your stuffies at the door and bring a change of clothes for the Food Fight Ring, or for those with quieter interests, Finger Painting Fancy. There is the ever popular Craft Shack where you can make and take your creations home with you. Possibly our most popular attractions within Littles Alley are the life-sized Barbie Playhouse and the Hot Wheels Race Tracks.

Elders Row is lined with front porch rockers for those who like to just sit and reminisce about the good old days, or share their words of wisdom and old fashioned storytelling. Crocheted afghans and lap robes available upon request. Corn cob pipes can be purchased in the General Store. Join in a game of checkers with your peers and relax while the youngsters play.

Don't miss the many cities within the city of Poly-Fragmentation Station. Pick up a map at the entrance as the twists and turns can be confusing.

In the Bigs Arcade you can choose from prehistoric to outer galaxy environments for your inner world, or even decorate an existing community. Other games include the pinball games Spending Spree and Watch The Clock. You can fight your way through mountains of red tape in the Virtual Reality game Benefits?, find a qualified therapist in the maze of the T-Zone or dodge the labels in Borderline. The adventureous can risk it all in the casino with such games of chance and skill as Mind Control, Family Therapy, and DSM IV. Watch out for the infamous roulette game of Triple T (Therapeutic Tools & Techniques) where your future depends on a spin of the wheel.

Countless more activites can be found in the Middles Treehouse and the Teens Tavern, including the Rage Room, SI Sanctuary, Trigger Tank, Meds Melee and the new and improved Group Therapy Game.

Don't forget to bring those infants to the Safe Haven Nursery for that special time of comfort and rest all babies need.

There is a specially designed Lookout for those Protectors who wish to keep an eye out and a Significant Others Lecture Hall for those wanting to learn how to put up with it all. Even animal alters have their own place within Multiple World. The Range has everything from rain forests and deserts to exercize wheels for the smallest of critters.

Multiple World has been designed with the tightest security possible for your safety. Please respect our litter laws as the staff of Multiple World have all the clutter and garbage they can handle. Special Discount passes may be available through your insurance company but watch out for those HMO pre-certification rules. We look forward to seeing all of you when we open in late 2002.

PRESS RELEASE END

Editor's Note: Due to possible health risks and lack of focus group approval, The Ward, a realistic hospital atmopsphere, has been dismantled. Multiple World regrets any panic this potential exhibit may have caused.