Thursday, December 6, 2012

overtired is a baaaaaad thing



8/14/2002



Charlie let me go back to bed once the kids were up this am. he made sure they got off to school and we stayed in bed til 12. First good sleep we've had in weeks and it's amazing the difference one night made. Had to take a sleeping pill of course. We don't seem to get anything deeper then REM unless we do. still, thinking is clearer, there's more ability to focus, not getting overwhelmed quite so much. Makes you want to ask God why we can't have, say a 30 hour day and be able to sleep 11 hours every night?

Have no idea who posted the last entry. We had both diaries open and this one on the 'write in diary' page. Assuming it wasn't a little and haven't actually gotten around to asking, since we only just now saw it. Considering how out of it we've been it's no surprise.

Just in case you're looking around and are interested in using the diary, just let someone know. We'd really like to hear what you have to say. If something that is going on or being written is creating a problem please let us know that too.

Well, managed to get laundry almost caught up and a few other things accomplished today. We finally got a chance to sit down and work on the cross stitch eagle we're (mostly Reese) doing for Charlie. Reese had completed this 11x14 eagle a few years ago and had intended to give it to Pastor R. but, we won't go into what happened... it wasn't sexual or anything.. just someone with a savior complex who needed to be the one to fix us. Everybody's heart was in the right place but anyway... it went to shit. so the eagle, along with virtually everything the girls had been given or made or whatever, got burned in a large bonfire one night when the absolute bottom was coming fast. 

Ach, that's still to painful to talk about just yet. In a way it all worked for the best, because in becoming totally dependant on him and Pat, we couldn't trust any therapist or doctor and we totally alienated Charlie. He's supposed to be our greatest source of support and he was left almost totally in the dark. After all the shit hit the fan and we wound up alone and betrayed... everyone in the system had to learn to trust Charlie and believe he wasn't their enemy. Stephanie spent 13 years trying to get rid of him and she needed to learn to not just accept him but stop waiting for him to 'be just like all the rest'. in the end, Charlie and Marisa became closer and he gained a HUGE family.

10 years ago, a visiting pastor had told Marisa that her's was a blessed marriage and that they would have children upon children. At the time it blew them both away because they'd planned 5 already but children upon children sounded like a whole lot more. Well *giggles* we do now! All the littles are like his kids and he treats them that way. Most of them call him Daddy. Only Stephanie and Reese don't, but they do consider him a best friend. 

Stephanie is the only one in the system who so totally rejected the family who raised us, that she even had her own last name. Last year on a trip to Canada to meet some of our online DID friends, Stephanie bought herself a pair of earrings carved in the shape of feathers. She bought a necklace for Charlie with a carved feather on it as well. Feathers is our last name and when she gave Charlie the necklace she told him that this was her way of commemorating the decision to take Feathers as her name too. Then after a brief warm fuzzy moment she informed him not to think that meant he could get all mushy and expect her to be the same. Like anyone expects her to shed her hardass exterior for anything else. 

Back to the cross stitch eagle. (maybe our focus isn't all that better) Several months ago Reese asked if we could buy the same exact kit. She said the one she'd done before never should have been for that person and she wanted to do one for Charlie. so that's what we're working on. He knows we're doing it but not that it's for him and we hope to have it done before his b-day in mid October.

Well the dryer just beeped and we're sitting at the kid's computer since he's on ours... this keyboard SUCKS! So we officially blame any typos on the little tiny thing.