Monday, January 27, 2014

5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions


weird mood today. good session with lyn. mostly read the last week's entries and talked about how far we've come even in the last 6 months. she's very proud of reese for not only putting what she was feeling into words but doing so without involving a blade. also, the way she said she wasn't going to *try* to make people happy... HUGE HUGE HUGE step for her. reese's role was always to take the blame and be *responsible* for everyone and everything.

stephanie, as protector, had always *protected* us by running off anyone who tried getting close, beating the crap out of anyone who threatened us physically and managing to alienate everyone in order to keep them from getting close enough to *know*. she spent 13 years trying to get rid of charlie. the fact that she couldn't didn't prove he was trustworthy to her. it just pissed her off. in many ways, she has changed more than the rest of us. her view of the role of protector is so different than it was. the J***** system can tell you that just 6 months ago, she/we would have been storming and stomping and swearing up a storm for weeks over this.

it's really awesome how, as each of *us* has grown and healed the more in sync we are becoming. yeah, it's unsettling because i know what that will eventually mean. as much as that is what i want, it's scary as hell to contemplate. especially in the first person.

i don't know how to explain what i took away from today's session. i think what's happened is that we've finally reached that unimaginable place of *better* that no one ever thought would happen. not that the work is done. not by a long shot... but enough of the worst is behind us that *health* is no longer an insurmountable goal. it's something that can be seen on the horizon and instead of making me want to push all the harder to get there, or even to drag my feet thinking it's still too far, we can begin to look to the left and the right and not *just* at the goal. we've finally reached the place where the journey itself is a chaotic and joyful adventure that we can begin to *gasp* ENJOY!