Saturday, January 11, 2014

left the group again


it's just a boundary i have to set for me and my system. i know that even collectively we can't sit quietly while someone self-destructs and expects others to make it better, or dares people to convince them they have worth when we all know she'll responds with 'thanks, but i'm still shit'. i know that when we were there, and in all other instances we've seen, people in that place CANNOT be convinced, no matter how much they may say they want to be. it's a choice that has to be made and unfortunately it usually doesn't get made until the well meaning people in their lives stop trying to do for them what they need to do themselves. to have stayed in the group would have felt to us like advocating it and as we have little to offer them and in the current state of things, the group has nothing whatsoever to offer us, it would be an exercise in frustration to have stayed. there is some disappointment as we know people in the group who have asked us to come back, so minor feelings of guilt are trying to push in. still, we have to be responsible for us, and there are too many fragile ones in the crew to expose to such a futile situation.

we're collectively much calmer. reese hasn't said as much but i'll not be surprised if we have cut by the end of the week. stephanie offered a compromise. i take 2 tranxene (a tranquilizer) and a ristoril (sleeping pill) tonight. (i fight not to take them and it's probably counterproductive) and she wouldn't find a liqueur store tomorrow. also, i had to get my ass off the computer and allow her to do some of the housework that we are technically not supposed to do, then let her or reese deal with the physical consequences.

on a totally different note... we did replace the dear departed vacuum cleaner. instead of one big monstrosity, we got two lightweight bagless vacs. one for upstairs and one for down. no more lugging them up and down stairs. it's proven to be the best purchase we've made as no one in the family has had a headache since they were first used. it's scary the difference it made. great though in that we can stop giving nasty looks to our beloved four legged family members, because we know they were the source of the problem.

i only brought it up because vacuuming the house is one of the no-nos because of *my* health, and stephanie's so happy to have good ones to use, she's vacuum happy. so that's what i had to let her do this evening.

i'll catch shit for this later, but it cracks me up that someone who has all the appearance of goth meets biker chick is such a nit picky housekeeper and so meticulous in her writing. she talks like a sailor but writes totally different and is the only one of us who really gives a rip about proper punctuation. (hearing rather loud offers of "bite me!" and "eat shit" right now.) s'okay... there's not a hell of a lot she can really do in revenge.

okay, well stoned and relaxed now... so onto the next entry which will include a request from all those who read it...