Saturday, January 18, 2014

the assignment


the messages

at this moment:

i'm ugly-want to tear this face apart
lazy-i don't get enough done
wrong-i shouldn't be here
fat-not talking about it
i shouldn't be here
i shouldn't be here
i shouldn't be here
worthless-only as valuable as what gets accomplished
defective-born that way
terrified of people
ugly-yup. pretty ugly
lost-no one sees me
alone-no wants to see me-they turn away
dirty and wrong-did bad things

at different points in the last two weeks:

there is no hope-the pain will never end
this is our punishment-you don't deserve anything good
should have died-never should have been born
the only way to make amends is destroy myself
my feelings don't matter-just ask mum
selfish-just ask mum
spoiled-just ask mum
unwanted-it was obvious
born to be violated-experience teaches
i am rejected-experience teaches

this should be enough for a start don't you think?