Saturday, January 25, 2014

unloading garbage


used to lie. used to lie a lot. used to steal too. always figured since everybody called us liar and thief, why not, you know? what was weird was mostly didn't get caught for stuff that actually happened, but got hell for stuff that didn't.

if you told the truth you got punished for lying and if you lied they either believed you or ignored you. dad once sent a bottle of ipecac to a friend in the DEA to have it tested to see if there was something else in it. never dawned on them it was used for its stated purpose; to induce vomiting. wasn't about an ED then. it was about being able to prove being sick to get out of school. some days at marstellar middle school were actually worse than being home. dad was just so convinced it was drugs that were to blame. taking drugs didn't start for another year. never got caught taking gin to school. got caught smoking in the bathroom tho. was weird to sit in the principal's office drunk and listen to a lecture about smoking. he was cool tho. they all knew what home was like but that there were no bruises to show, so they never told mom about the smoking. guess if you think about it, the kindness was really taken advantage of. but it's not like there was any other kindness to be had.

used to shoplift a lot. never got caught. but when a neighbor started noticing her granny's heirloom rings disappear, they set a trap (ha) they waited at their house and accused the first person to show up. called mom and called the police. one of the only times mom defended us, but that was only after they ripped the bedroom apart to find the rings. that's when they found the ipecac and the knives and blades that were kept hidden. the lady found the rings in her 4 year old's room a week later.

this is stupid shit i guess, but it's just so weird how things worked out against us every time. no matter what it was, everyone knew where to point a finger.

it's weird too how by the time no one *wanted* attention anymore, that's when everything was being done just to get attention.

mom once gave me a newspaper article to read. it was about a girl who said her dad molested her and then after he got arrested, lost his job, respect, blah blah, she said she'd only done it to get back at her dad after a fight. why the hell did she give me that? we never ever tried to tell anybody dad touched us like that. just because we told people at the first hospital about flying across rooms and being swung around by the hair... because we told what really happened. and it happened a lot too. but because we told she had to make sure that if they got in trouble, there was no doubt whose fault it would be. mom had her stupid article to convince herself that if they got in trouble she could tell everyone it was a lie told in spite.

after all. their daughter marisa was nothing but a conniving little liar anyway.