Monday, February 10, 2014

dragged back into the black hole

9/18/2002

*sighs* know that this is all part of the process, but does it ever suck.

got hurt by a close offline friend who also happens to be DID. long story but that's going to have to be our first letter. her call yesterday opened up THE can of worms and she couldn't accept that we need time to process both the hurt from this as well as the stuff it stirred up. she signed off yahoo for the first time in 4-5 months today, which tells me that she's 'shutting' a door in retaliation. it's just as well... seeing her name on my list over the last 2 months has caused an ache because i knew she'd ignore me if i IM'd her.

don't want to cry. really letting the tears flow happens so rarely that when it does, it's hours or even days before they stop. i hate that we're in this place. even knowing it's where we need to be for healing of this shit, is no consolation.

for now... it's going to take every ounce of what we have to just write these letters. after all that got stirred... there's going to be a hell of a lot of them.