Friday, March 14, 2014

tired

9/28/2002

spent most of the day on a sort of wild goose chase for something for charlie. harley and trish had the idea and we're all for it, but we had no luck finding it. can't say what it is just yet as charlie's allowed to read this, *grin* but we'll have it tomorrow i'm sure.

it was good to have the time out of the house. even with the frustration and craziness of it, it kept us from getting sucked into this hell that is sitting and waiting to claim our thoughts.

soon as we got home, the tension began. kids are moody and not doing what they're told. charlie's depressed, and harley and trish are feeling the pressure to find work and a home...

it's not even that the outside stressors are that much a problem. just that it is taking so much energy just to keep the inside from spilling out, that the everyday irritating stuff is enough to send us over the edge.

torn between taking enough tranxene to stay asleep for the next few days, finding out if there are any good veins left to tap into, breaking anything and everything we can get our hands on, and finding a place to hide curled in a ball.

it's not a good sign when you have to fight not to start rocking and moaning in a store...

if i could let go enough to unlock the tears, maybe it would help. something... something has got to give.