Friday, May 30, 2014

trying this again

10/9/2002
 
 
 
motown,

wish we knew exactly how to say what we need to say here and we're honestly wondering if the email sent from our yahoo address (our preferred addy) was received.

either way... we are dealing with some very tough issues right now, we are continuing EMDR and previous conversation with you over the last few months has added to the burden (our responsibility, not yours). if you did not receive the other email, i apologize for this one, but we had asked for space and time to deal with the emotions this has brought up. we promised to contact you and intend to keep our word.

it was somewhat confusing to be asked about subjects previously off limits with you, without direct acknowledment that these things were either no longer an issue for you or something for which you were willing to take the risk.

if we're going to talk, it would be best to first clear the air and be up front about our both having been hurt. otherwise, it's just a tap dance and at this point in time, not one we have the energy to participate in.

we love you. we care deeply about you and your family. we will contact you when we are ready and able to move on. until then, God's blessings to you and your family,

marisa
 

chalk up another mega-bitch moment...

10/9/2002
 
 
 
the friend we wrote a letter to a few weeks ago asking for time and space, has begun sending occasional 'fwd fwd fwds' to us. no problem, we generally delete those anyway, no matter who they are from. just seemed odd (an emotional game actually) that they would start up right after the letter telling her we needed time.
today, we get the IM. how are you? after a few moments decided not to ignore her knowing how much it had hurt us when she did. we wound up chatting for a few minutes. she asked how our writing was going... a topic that a few weeks ago was triggering for her... we said it was good and we were enjoying ourselves. she then asked if it was therapeutic or our book (which had we been able to discuss that, she would know was on hold). we told her it was both as well as other kinds of writing. she then asked if it was marisa or reese... i said it was marisa... she asked after reese... told her that reese was taking a break from chat (actually only from her)... she asked why... i responded that it was at her request.
well, that pretty much shut the lid on anymore chit chat.
trying not to get angry at her total and complete disrespect for our request that she give us space. find it incredibly childish for her to not only continue contacting us, but doing so while pretending nothing ever occured. that's a sore spot for us. if you hurt us, you will lose a measure of trust. in her case, she is so desperately unable to see herself as anything but the victim, she can't even acknowledge that her actions hurt us. that will not earn our trust back. nor will going out of her way to bring up subjects she has told us were off limits. of course there is the expectation that we immediately know this is her way of saying it's okay to talk about these things, but we've never been the sort to care for such avoidance of things. you have something to say, be UP FRONT about it. that kind of game playing just doesn't fly. i'll accept it from my kids because they are kids, but even then we try to teach them to learn different ways of communicating. 
motown is not my child and i will not mother her. that is what got us into trouble in the first place.
okay, so not doing a very good job of not being angry...
bottom line... we have more than enough on our plate without having to try reading motown's mind because she refuses to take responsibility for her actions or emotions. GRRRRRRR.... this kind of bullshit i expect from my 10 & 11 yo children. this is not the stuff of healthy adult friendships.
seriously considering resending the letter... better yet, we'll just rant to charlie when he gets home and maybe punch a pillow for awhile. have better things to do than let this consume us. bah
so we reached 300 entries the other day??? coooool. i feel special...
 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

finally crashed and burned


10/8/2002
 
 
 
spent today in bed. 
soon as kids are in bed we're going back. 
finally reached the point where my body and brain went on strike. 
feeling a bit better and hope tomorrow to maybe even feel rested? 
nahh too much to hope for. 

Survey

survey we've tried to post for days... ty zen      - 10/7/2002
 
 
 
I see:  More clearly than ever before
I need:  Real rest
I want:  A real day off
I have:  More than I need and not as much as I want
I wish:  My house was self-cleaning
I love:  Unconditionally 
I hate:  Ignorance, especially when the person shows it with pride
I feel:  Like sleeping for days
I hear:  Children playing downstairs
I smell:  Coffee
I crave:  A snickers freezee and a cherry-limeade
I wonder:  What it would feel like to be one mind
***When was the last time you...*** 
Cried?  Not sure. I think last Sunday when we brought Buddy home
Bought something?  Yesterday. Groceries
Just danced?  Couple of days maybe
Watched your favorite movie?  Couple of weeks 
Had a nightmare?  Not sure
Last thing you had to drink:  Coffee, coffee, coffee
Last thing you ate:  Chicken and rice
***Do You...*** 
Smoke?  Yes. Too much
Do drugs?  Not anymore
Have sex?  I have 5 kids.  Take a guess.
Sleep with stuffed animals?  Yes
Live in the moment?  Try to
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?  Married
Play an instrument?  Do vocal chords count?
Read the newspaper?  Most every day. Starting with the comics
Believe in miracles?  I am a miracle
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?  Absolutely
Consider yourself tolerant of others?  Most of the time
Have a favorite candy?  Snickers
Believe in God?  Absolutely
Pray?  Not as much as I’d like to
Go to church?  Try to
Have any pets?  2 dogs, 2 cats, guinea pig, turtle, 5 striped danios, and a 14 inch pleco
Do well in school?  Sometimes 
Have a best friend?  Yes 
Like your handwriting?  Nope. None of us like our own tho we like eachothers
Favorite animal?  Hedgehog
Who is the last person you kissed?  One of the kids
Who is the last person you were involved with?  My husband
Would you go up to someone and make out with them if someone dared you to?  Only if it were Charlie
Do you like to swim?  Yes!
Would you ever go bungee-jumping?  Depends on who you ask. Most of us would say no
Do you like dressing up?  Once in a while
Would you rather be short or tall?  Neither. I would have liked to be a couple of inches taller but mostly would just like to not shrink as I get older
What is your favorite type of movie?  Tearjerkers, 4 hankie type
What's your biggest fear?  Out living one of my children
Do you like to dance?  Love to
Do you think men and women can ever just be friends with out wanting each other?  Depends on the man and woman involved
Ever been in love?  Still am
Did you ever cry over someone of the opposite sex?  Probably
Who was your first crush?  Glen Campbell (Rhinestone Cowboy)
Who's your favorite Winnie the Pooh character?  Eeyore 
What is your favorite number?  5 
What is your favorite color? Green